Frustrations and more frustrations.....

Well, my first tournament round for the year is over. I'd be lying if I said it went well but I guess considering the shocking year I had last year, I suppose it could have been worse.

My tournament was the Powerade Assistants Chapionships Qualifier at Royal Ascot Golf Club and it was blowing an absolute 'hooly'!

I shot 78 (+8) including a magnificent bogey, bogey, double bogey finish that left a very bitter taste but I dont think I would have qualified even with pars on those holes. So, how did I play? How would I sum up the round? As the title suggests, FRUSTRATING. Once, again my body was taken over by the effects of nerves, fear and general panic that seem to have plagued me in every tournament I have played in over the last 3 years. After showing signs of form recently, I had high hopes for this round but to be honest the 4 and a half hours I was out there was more of a battle between my ears then it was over the elements. This seems to be the case every time I tee it up in a tournament. I play to not embarrass myself rather than to shoot the best score I can. I don't really know how to conquer this, except to put myself in the situation more often. Right now, that is not an option.
I also get terribly wrapped up in technical thoughts, and this is no way to play. I think if I can address this, the maybe things will improve but for some reason I seem to have lost faith in the natural ability that got me to a 2 handicap. I still trace this back to the tribulations of my playing test when my confidence was destroyed. It's gonna be a long battle to get this back, but I'm adamant inside that I have the potential to do well in this game. That is one big positive, I have ultimate inner belief that I am good enough, even though on the surface any signs of this are certainly dormant and hopefully not extinct and have been for a couple of years. However, I can't seem to get out of my own way.
I hit many good tee shots today but my iron play was terrible and my putting sporadic! I guess to hit only 4 greens in regulation and still break 80 wasn't bad. It shows I have grit and determination to shoot the best score I can on the day. If I hadn't 3-putted my final 3 greens I would have scored 75 and been pretty satisfied with my efforts. The poor finish made me feel that all the battle I had given had been wasted.
Have I learned anything from this round? I guess I should take heart that even when I have no control over my swing or over the flight of my ball, I can still score (for the most part). I suppose this could indicate that good scores are very achievable if I can just relax. This is my issue!

Ah, I'm fed of my own ramblings now so I'll leave it there...

Swine flu...Golf...Etc....

Thought I'd take this chance to write on a dismal drizzly Thursday morning.

Have had a good week, I passed my probationary hearing at work which was a huge relief. Having been dealt redundancy not long ago, it definitely feels good to have a secure job again. I need more hours however, as life is proving difficult financially at the moment. However, I know I am not alone in this predicament. But enough about that....

Big news at the moment is this 'Swine Flu' that seems to have launched the world into a chaotic state of panic. I am wondering, particularly as I work in a doctors surgery, whether I should be more concerned about this. I figure it is a waste of energy to be concerned about things I have no control of. Also, how many times recently have we been faced with these threats?? Mad Cow Disease, Bird Flu etc. And in response to that, how many times has this become as catastrophic as they predicted. Not very many!! So, I think everyone needs to chill a bit and let the authorities deal with it as they have promised they will do.

Played 36 holes at Hollingbury yesterday. It wasn't the inspired golf I was hoping for. Rounds of 77 and 78 (+11 total) were not good considering conditions were good. I'm just still not comfortable with my swing yet. My driving particularly at the moment is so sketchy! I lost 2 balls in the morning round with shots that were just so far off line it was embarrassing.
That being said, I did hit 23 out of 36 greens in regulation and that is a good number. When I execute the swing properly, happy days but the consistency is lacking and worryingly I seem to be missing shots left and right at the moment too so I have very little control over my game.

I just need the time and a place to work on these things. A club not too far from me refused my emails asking if I could pay to use their facilities. This was really disappointing as it would have been a great place to work on my golf. The scary thing is, I have a tournament next week and realistically I may not get the opportunity to play between now and then. I'm sick to death of it. Oh great, a tournament next week on a course I've never seen and I'm gonna be rusty too. This makes me wonder if it's worth spending the money on the petrol to get there. Very frustrating!! Maybe all these negatives will culminate in a good round. Golf can be that unpredictable sometimes.
It's a Powerade Qualifier at Royal Ascot Golf Club and I need to finish somewhere around the top 15 to get through to the finals at the London Club. Had it not been a shank - ergo - triple bogey last year I would have qualified so hopefully something will happen for me. As usual it will come down to how nervous I am and how well I can handle playing competitively. I know for certain that I am capable of producing the golf I need to produce in order to qualify so we'll just have to see what happens.

Anyways I'll leave it there for now....

New year and a new blog!!

Hello again folks!! Yes it's me and yes it's a new blog!!

I took a well earned break from blogging in 2008. Why?? Well to be honest it was a pretty rubbish year that creeped over into the beginning of this year too. Those reasons are mainly personal and therefore not for broadcast over t'internet.

So, what's been happening and where am I now??

Well, lets see, I ended 2007 in employment at Kent National Golf Club and in October 2008 after a turbulent year I was made redundant. I wish I had enough media power to respond to that in the way I wanted to, but suffice to say I will never ever allow myself to get involved with this company again.
My golfing performances in 2008 were terrible. It started in May with a fantastic round of 87 at Farnham in a Titleist Assistants tournament (11 dropped shots in my last 7 holes) which literally crippled my confidence for the rest of the year. Sadly my lowest tournament round was a dismal 79. However, this is in the past now! I've been working hard and am optimistic about what hopefully lies ahead.
I have transformed my method too which is showing improvements gradually. I still think i'm probably a good year or so from fully learning to control my new swing. I'm essentially working on developing a one plane swing (and have been scrutinised by a lot of people for doing this), the reason being that this is a method that allows the body to dominate the swing. I have always been an 'armsy swinger' and this is very difficult to maintain under pressure. Therefore ultimately hopefully I am developing a swing that will hold up in pressure situations (should I ever be fortunate enough to get in to any) and more importantly allow to play when I'm nervous. Nerves became a huge factor for me in '08 to the point where I was afraid to play golf in front of anyone. I have realised this is not a good thing so have been working on it.

Anyways, back to the job front. As I said I was made redundant in October. From there I spent 2 months essentially unemployed. This was scary and most certainly not enjoyable. Thankfully, out of the blue from a completely speculative application, I landed a job in a doctors surgery dispensing prescription. I am still there now and absolutely loving it. Not only does it pay well, I thoroughly enjoy it and the people I work with are cracking people. Also I have a lot of respect for my boss who is a great bloke.
I can say, with complete sincerity and conviction, I will NOT be returning to work in a Pro-Shop. I never really enjoyed it and in golfing terms I am keen to focus on myself as a player, not as a coach or sales rep etc, especially for now! I can't predict whether I'll feel differently down the line.

With regard to my PGA, I am on the cusp (well a couple of months to go) of becoming fully qualified. The important thing is that I passed my practical coaching exams recently, which I was terrified about and it was a significant internal triumph for me! Now there are a few bits to tie up with it but I feel confident. Do not underestimate when I say that the day I recognise this qualification will be the proudest day of my life (as well as the day I finally passed my PAT!).

Anyways I'll leave it there for now. Keep tuned as I will update regularly.

All the best to everyone too. Hope everyone is happy and healthy x

End of the season....

A couple of weeks back I played my final competitive round of the year and it pretty summed up the way my golfing year has gone. A collapse at the end of the round for a lame 77 and no prize money. Ah well, I'm disappointed that I didn't produce some better golf than I did this year but it was always gonna be tricky. Until May, I didn't even have a steady job or place to play or practise so that doesn't help.

Here is a round up of my results this year:
Powerade Assistants (North Downs GC) - 77 (+8)
Tudor Park Pro-Am (Tudor Park GC) - 78 (+8)
Hollingbury Pro-Am (Hollingbury GC) - 80 (+8)
Cherry Lodge Pro-Am (Cherry Lodge GC) - 81 (+9)
Kent Open (Kings Hill GC) - 78 (+6) & NR (Horrendous Weather!)
Assistants & Trainees Champs (Clandon GC) - 82 (+10) & 74 (+2)
Seaford Head Pro-AM (Seaford Head GC) - 77 (+6).

There you have it, not a great year really but I'm not embarrased to say I have struggled. I have worked hard on my game and not had any results so I guess shit happens! All I can do right now is wind down and have a bit of a breather and then work hard to prepare for next year. I'm gonna get some decent tuition and try and use whatever money I can to invest in improving my golf game. I'm doing my PGA because I love playing golf and for no other reason. Therefore, if I am to start performing in tournaments I have got to go full throttle and work even harder. I can't wait, I really can't!!

On the bright side, home life is awesome! I'm loving and feel very lucky to have our house now and be able to share it with R. We're having a great time and the independance we have is great. I'm glad I took a risk this year by moving away and standing on my own two feet as after a pretty stressful year things are definitely coming round and it was all totally worth it to be where we are now. Ok, we aren't rolling around in money but we are both very happy with life and I think that's the main thing. I do still miss Brighton very much but I do love the life I have now built for myself here, and looking forward to whatever the future may hold.

I'm unsure but this could conclude the blogging for this year. We'll see what happens....

Housing developments.....

Bonjour!

Well, where to begin??? It's been a continuation of painting, cleaning, scrubbing, washing, hoovering, discarding, clearing and filling!!!! But, the house is definitely coming along now and we are all set to move in properly this weekend. I have a drive a bloody 'gert' big van all over the place all day to pick up and drop stuff off. The excitement is that it is all nearly over and the trainisition will be complete. I have been staying there most nights as it is closer to work which is nice as I get more sleep when I am on an early shift. It's all good and very exciting.

Back to the golf, inevitably! I played my penultimate competition of the year last Friday in the South Region Assistants and Trainees Championships at good ol' Clandon Regis!
The morning round was going smoothly until the last 6 holes in which I managed to reel off 3 double bogeys to finish with 82 which was very disappointing and didn't leave me particularly motivated for the afternoon.
I began the afternoon pretty well though and was -2 through my first 7 holes on the tough back-nine there and then made 2 bogeys to turn in level par. Then I played a couple of sloppy shots but generally reasonably steadily for +2 on the front-nine to shoot 74. I decided that I had to be delighted with this, as I finally managed to shoot a reasonable score in a tournament for the first time this year and it felt like a stepping stone. I have one pro-am left in a couple of weeks at Seaford Head Golf Course and it would be great if I could play well. We will see. Once the move is over I have a couple of weeks to prepare myself properly.

That's about everything I think. Ta Ra!!

Kent Open and the NEW HOUSE!!!!

I won't dwell too much on the Kent Open aspect of this blog. All I'll say is that I shot 78 (+6) in the morning in very tough conditions which marked my best score in competition this year and then abandoned my afternoon round after 9 holes due to abysmal weather and also the desire to avoid the golfing demons emerging as I was beginning to feel it. For perhaps the first time ever in my golfing career, I've got my temporament well managed on the golf course so I wasn't gonna allow one bad round to ruin all the good work I've done lately. Hence, I felt abandonment was my only option in this case (and my playing partner was happy to oblige also).

I played 36 holes on wednesday this week. I shot 70 (-2) in the morning at Hollingbury and then 77 (+5) in the afternoon at The Dyke. To have a +3 total for the day felt pretty good as I haven't been performing very consistently of late and managed to keep a double bogey or worse off my card the whole day.

So, to the big big news. We have now finally exchanged, completed and done on our house!!! We even have the keys and been in and started cleaning. This is mega exciting as it has been such a long time coming. The house is great! It's such a weird feeling to walk in and think 'I own this!' but it's very cool. I spent the night there last night which was awesome. My first night in my first house - woohoo!! And thus the moving process begins. I am going to start painting this weekend hopefully and then we will get furniture soon and begin to get everything in. We are in a nice road in a nice area and the whole place seems very peaceful which is always a relief when you move somewhere new.

Anyways, this is all still in the embryo stage so I'll try to write weekly to document the progress.

Till next time....

Another disappointment....

Well as the title suggests, Cherry Lodge was another disappointment and felt a tad like rock bottom really as the collapse at the end of the round couldn't have been more predictable. It followed the same pattern that every competitive round i've played this year has.
I started for the third out of 4 times this year with a double bogey, rallied well for the next 13/14 holes and then completely screwed up the end of the round. To drop 6 shots in my last 4 holes (including a birdie on the last!!!!!!!!!!) was just crazy! What am I doing???

I'm so close to shooting some decent scores but have developed some kind of mental block in competitions! I finally realised yesterday that my problems aren't technical - they are entirely psychological. The problem is that I can't pinpoint the root of the problem and therefore I can't seem to break these patterns.

Of my 4 tournament rounds this year, I have had 9 double bogeys and 3 triple bogeys! That accounts for 27 of the 31 shots I have been over par and all that damage done in 12 holes out of 72! The fact I've played the other 60 holes in only 4 over par is quite funny really. Ok it's not tour standard golf, but it indicates that I am playing a lot of good solid stuff as I haven't been making many birdies I can assure you! I've got to figure out where and how I can erase these big numbers. This is the challenge and this is the key for me to start shooting lower scores!

I am playing in the Kent Open at KingsHill next week. This is a 36 hole event and I hope it will spark some form for me. I just want to shoot one good score. That's all I feel I need to get over this hurdle and I think more good scores will follow.
One big plus is that the putting changes I have made lately worked a treat yesterday. I made some very nice putts and didn't miss any silly ones. I feel great about that, as it is building my confidence back up on the greens. I know that if I'm putting well I can really shoot good scores.

I won't be deterred from my work-ethics, I've got a week to prepare and basically will continue what I've been doing. From a techincal point of view, i'm in pretty good shape - far better shape that indicated by the scores i've been shooting.

It's a constant grind this game, and the constant knockings of confidence make it harder and harder to bounce back from. However, anyone who knows me will know that I don't quit and I always get to my goals eventually. This is no exception........